Text Size:
When the End is Near
Jean Doppenberg
Mark B. can barely take his eyes off his only grandchild, Sophia, who fills the house, and his life, with obvious joy. She is still too young to realize the hold she has over her granddad, who lost his beloved wife Dahlia to cancer on the same day Sophia was born, thousands of miles away.
Dahlia was diagnosed in 2005 with glioblastoma, an aggressive type of brain cancer. She underwent two surgeries and endured several rigorous treatments, and she was able to live a relatively full life for more than a year. Then an MRI in March 2007 revealed distressing news: the treatments were no longer working, and the cancer had spread.
"That's when we learned about hospice services," explains Mark, who together with the couple's daughter, Amanda, was at his wife's side until the end. "Our time with hospice was short, only two-and-a-half weeks before Dahlia's passing, but I was so glad they were here for us. I was relieved to find out there would be no regimented checklist of duties. After only 10 minutes into our initial meeting with the hospice nurses and the social worker, I knew it was the right thing to do." Mark says the members of the hospice staff who looked after Dahlia were exceptionally warm and caring, and they radiated a calming influence. "There was a spirituality about them, and they took joy in what they were doing," he says.
Mark remembers one occasion in particular that helped ease his family's anxiety. One of the hospice nurses, who was about ready to leave for the day, could see that Dahlia's visiting sister, Yolanda, was stressed about having to administer pain medication to Dahlia. “So the nurse stayed an extra 20 minutes talking to Yolanda, reassuring her, going back over the details," says Mark. "Recognizing that we needed that extra 20 minutes on that day made all the difference."
During this difficult time, Mark and Dahlia's son, Russell, was in Italy awaiting the birth of his first child at a military hospital. Though he wanted to be at his mother's side in her final days, he was in the delivery room with his wife Jennifer when Sophia was born on April 22, 2007. Within minutes Russell was able to tell his mother by phone that she had a granddaughter. Dahlia died 15 hours later.
April 22 will always be a special day for this family, one of great sadness but of celebration and renewal, too. "It's bittersweet, no doubt about it," says Mark as he plays with Sophia, distracting her with a toy. "Someday, when she's old enough to understand, we'll tell her the whole story."
With an insatiable curiosity about people and the stories they have to share, Jean Saylor Doppenberg has covered industries ranging from hospitality to home improvement to healthcare. Assignments have included writing a 12-page brochure for an exclusive Sonoma Coast resort to compiling newsletter articles for private industry and non-profits.
Jean is available for writing and editing assignments relating to healthcare, tourism and wineries, and green technologies. Please contact her at doppberg@sonic.net.
More...
Leave your comment
You must be an icarevillage member to comment on this article.
Join today
to take advantage of this service or
Sign In
if you are already a member.
