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He Just Didn't Want to Think Anymore
Jean Doppenberg
"At first, it was subtle things that only I noticed," says Judy C. about the behavior of her husband Jim, who began to show signs of disturbing memory loss and mental confusion in 2001. The couple was living their dream of early retirement on a 38-foot sailboat, the Star Dancer, cruising up and down the Atlantic coast and exploring the Florida Keys and the Caribbean.
While they were moored in the Bahamas for the winter, Jim's memory loss became more alarming. He had difficulty reading a clock, distinguishing left from right, and solving simple mathematics. "He gave a 50% tip in a restaurant once because he couldn't figure up the bill," says his wife. "Anything that involved numbers gave him trouble."
Jim's personality also changed. Once outgoing and gregarious, he became more withdrawn and avoided socializing. He was short-tempered, easily agitated, and impatient with others. "He started to spend a lot of time sitting and quietly watching TV," says Judy. "That had never been his style. It seemed like he'd decided he just didn't want to think anymore, and I even joked to a friend that Jim seemed 'brain-dead.' When I tried to talk to Jim about his changing behavior, he didn't want to discuss it."
At the end of their stay in the Caribbean, Judy and Jim piloted the Star Dancer back to a Florida marina, where they set up temporary residency in the spring of 2002. All the while, Judy feared that Jim might have a brain tumor draining his memory – and possibly his life – bit by bit. After an examination by a primary care physician, Jim was referred to a neurologist for further testing.
"That doctor gave Jim a simple memory quiz of words and numbers, which he failed badly by answering only one question correctly. It seemed as if his short-term memory was slipping away," Judy explains.
An MRI was ordered, and brain tumor was ruled out. Additional tests confirmed the specialist's suspicions, and Jim began taking medications routinely prescribed for Alzheimer's patients. He was only 54 years old.
"It was apparent we would have to put down roots so Jim could receive regular medical care, and that meant giving up life on the water," says Judy. After one last adventure on the Star Dancer, they listed the boat for sale and rented a townhouse in the Florida panhandle. Judy went back to work in the real estate industry, while Jim stayed at home with their dog, Cookie.
Though he was taking the leading medications designed to stem the tide of dementia, Jim's condition progressively worsened. Early in his illness, he could be left alone while Judy was at her job, able to care for himself without incident. But by 2004, Jim was having difficulty managing around the house on his own and remembering once-familiar faces. He was also speaking less and less. That summer the couple moved to another state to be closer to family.
Physically, Jim remained healthy for many years, but his mind rapidly declined. More than once he wandered away while Judy's back was turned, most notably when he slipped away in a rural area on the outskirts of a national forest. Jim was missing for two frightening hours before a park ranger noticed him walking aimlessly and spotted his medical alert bracelet.
Today, Jim lives in a silent world all his own, unable to recognize family and friends or take part in a conversation. He has been mute for many years, despite Judy's best efforts to draw him out. His ability to walk on his own has deteriorated dramatically, and at this stage of his illness Judy requires the assistance of a nursing aide a few hours a week to help care for him. Jim is now restricted to a hospital bed in the couple's home or to a wheelchair.
Yet Judy would give anything to have her husband jump out of bed and say "hello" to her. As his sole caregiver for so many years, she has always maintained Jim's dignity – whether he is aware of it or not – by making certain he is thoroughly groomed and dressed every day, and talking to him as if he understands what she is saying. Her devotion to the husband who no longer knows her is inspiring.
With an insatiable curiosity about people and the stories they have to share, Jean Saylor Doppenberg has covered industries ranging from hospitality to home improvement to healthcare. Assignments have included writing a 12-page brochure for an exclusive Sonoma Coast resort to compiling newsletter articles for private industry and non-profits.
Jean is available for writing and editing assignments relating to healthcare, tourism and wineries, and green technologies. Please contact her at doppberg@sonic.net.
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