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Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are some of the qualifications my parents and I should look for when deciding on an attorney?
2. What are some of the important decisions adult children can help elders make?
3. What problems do adult children have in working together?
4. How can an elder mediator help the adult children have what may be a difficult but valuable conversation with each other and with the family elder?

1. What are some of the qualifications my parents and I should look for when deciding on an attorney?

Ask the following questions:
  1. How long have they been practicing?
  2. Are they general practitioners or do they work primarily in certain areas of law that might pertain to your parents (elder law, Medicaid or Medi-cal planning, estate planning probate)
  3. What degrees do they hold?
  4. What special schooling, certifications, studies, and experience do they have that might be helpful to your parents or loved ones?
  5. What organizations do they belong to?
  6. Do they have E&O insurance?
  7. Are they sole practitioners or are they with a firm?
  8. Who will handle issues when they are not available?
  9. Do they have any bar discipline against them?

2. What are some of the important decisions adult children can help elders make? Some rise to the level of legal disputes, but most are non-legal family matters:

  • Can the elder take care of themself in their home? Does they need assistance? If so, what kind? Who will do it? What money is needed and who will provide it?
  • Does the elder need to move to a care facility? Where? Who will pay for it?
  • How will the elder’s home be sold? How will the extra belongings be disposed of?
  • What legal documents must the elder have such as wills, trusts, and health directives? Who will provide these? Who will pay for them?

3. What problems do adult children have in working together?

  • Childhood wounds may still be festering.
  • There may be significant disparities in finances, time, physical ability, responsibilities.
  • There may be differences in expectations about “who should do what” based on gender, age, proximity to elder, expertise, and history.

4. How can an elder mediator help the adult children have what may be a difficult but valuable conversation with each other and with the family elder?

  • An elder mediator is trained to work with family systems. He or she is cognizant of childhood wounds carried into adulthood and unproductive communication patterns that must be addressed.
  • An elder mediator is trained in communication skills to carefully listen to the elder and the adult children to help them better understand themselves and each other.
  • An elder mediator is trained to help the elder and adult children create a safe environment in which to explore options, and to help foster discussions and find agreement.